Words of Whit

Steve Whitford

January, a month of promises

A new year is upon us.

Besides the usual feasting and football, many people will be making resolutions. Usually these are recipes for becoming a better person.

The New Year’s Day holiday and some of its traditions originated with the Babylonians, who celebrated it in March.

It was moved to January by the Romans. The month got its name from the Roman god, Janus. He was perhaps the first god of politicians, as he had two faces, which allowed him to look back to the past and forward to the future.

Meanwhile the Christians, quite possibly in bad taste, celebrated the feast of circumcision. Later, the puritans adopted the practice of New Year’s resolutions as a way to improve themselves and to help them avoid habitual sin and the “temptations of Eve.”

I recently surveyed some local residents, and here is a lighthearted look at their resolutions for the coming year:

Claudia Loy: “I resolve to be retired by age 65. Know anybody who wants to buy a nursery?”

William Lightfoot: “Since no one else is doing it, I resolve to eat more gluten.”

Tim Kezele: “I promise never to move off the peninsula –– ever, ever again.”

Marilyn Perks: “I vow this year to stop my damn swearing.”

Fire Commissioner Claudia Jones: After a recruit’s minor incident, she admonishes all firefighters to resolve not to lose their hoses.

Greg Hessler, manager of Figaro’s Pizza: “Next year, I resolve to make more dough.”

Yvone Conniff: “I resolve to gamble less this year, and to win more.”

Ron Woszczak, renowned connoisseur: “This year, I will abstain from eating whale blubber.”

Brett Skahan, self-proclaimed mayor of Lyle: “I resolve to live a year longer than my mom. She’s 95 and still kicking it.”

Dentist John D. Olsson: Vows to spend less time looking down in the mouth.

So there you have it –– or at least most of it.

I did send requests for “newsable” resolutions to many of our elected officials, such as Jan Angel, Derek Kilmer, Patty Murray, Gov. Jay Inslee and even President Obama.

The only official who deemed to give us a reply was our own Mayor Skahan. We can only assume that the rest were too busy doing whatever it is they do, or perhaps they are just a little smarter than the rest of us and try not to make promises they can’t keep.